Shame Can Kiss My A**
By Makena Sherwood
During the month of March, GTG has been focusing on sexuality and whew is there a lot of shame with that one. I don’t think I need to go into the details of how sexual repression or lack of acceptance can lead to shame. If you want more of that conversation check out our pod episodes this month.
Recently I’ve been contemplating where shame comes from. Is it from society, from ourselves, from other people? For me, shame feels like this place deep inside my stomach. It’s dark there, not much going on, and it feels lonely. It feels like I am alone in my thoughts, in my feelings, in my beliefs. It feels unsafe and embarrassing. It also feels like I’m going to be there forever.
When I first started telling people about my work as an Intuitive Reader and Medium I felt a lot of shame. I had left “important” jobs, at least by society’s standards, and chosen this path of woo woo exploration. Or at least that’s the narrative I told myself at the time. When people asked me what I did for work I could barely utter the words “Psychic Medium.” I would leave those interactions feeling so ashamed that I couldn’t even own that part of who I was. I often wonder why I reacted like that. I can count on one hand the number of negative reactions I’ve received about the work I do. Why was I so worried about what other people would think?
I remember talking to my mentor about how people think there’s a clear distinction between being connected to your spirituality and being an intelligent person. I have always loved having intellectual conversations and stimulating debates about the world, politics, society, etc. After I started becoming more public with my work I found myself wondering if my voice belonged in those conversations anymore. I allowed the shame of the stereotypes surrounding my work to put a shadow over my power and passion for this work. After I was able to identify the shame I was feeling around my work I began to notice how it has expressed itself in other areas of my life.
I have felt shame about the clothes I’ve worn, things I’ve said, mistakes I’ve made, jobs I’ve had, myself, and my body. I know that shame is a universal feeling but I am also of the belief that women have taken on a much bigger burden of it. When I look back at my life I wonder how many of these situations were a projected feeling from societal norms that I had adopted or if they actually had come from my internal belief system. Maybe both? Regardless, I was so alarmed at the level of shame I carried with me on a daily basis. And for what? I didn’t know how it came into my belief system, but I sure as hell was going to figure out a way to push it out.
It’s interesting how the feeling of shame can so effortlessly flow to each area of our life, although I do think it tends to pick favorites. During the month of March I challenged myself to do one “naked hour” a day. If you’re wondering what that is, it’s exactly what it sounds like. I have been doing my best to spend one hour a day naked in my home. Obviously, this is a very big privilege. I don’t live with anyone else; I have the time to do this; and most importantly, I have good blinds on my windows. I realized I needed to do this after learning about it from Nicole Zajac on Instagram. I realized that I hate being naked, and from most of the conversations I’ve had with other women this is a common sentiment. For me, the walk in and out of the shower is the worst one. My body feels foreign, cold, and dirty. I go from clothes, to shower, to towel, to clothes as quickly as humanly possible to limit those uncomfortable feelings.
During my first few days of naked hour I’ve learned a tremendous amount about myself. Those first 15 minutes are terrible. I feel awkward and unsure of how to move around in my space without clothes on. It feels so strange! After 15 minutes or so I start to relax, I feel natural, powerful, beautiful, and comfortable. I began to wonder if this naked hour could translate to the other areas in my life where I felt shame. Could it be possible that I could release the burden of shame through gentle exposure and neutrality to who I am naturally?
In the two situations I talked about above where I feel the most shame, the feeling has been almost the same. I’m curious about that. How does shame around your naked body and shame around your career connect? For me, I realized that this came from a place of not knowing or trusting myself. Just like how I started to relax during my naked hours, when I started fully embodying who I was and the work I do I relaxed as well. I started to accept that if someone else didn’t like my naked body or my work that was not a direct reflection on me. Just as if someone doesn’t respect your sexuality, that’s a reflection on them, not you. To be clear, this doesn’t mean the pain of lack of acceptance is any less. That certainly is a very difficult feeling and situation to move through. However, I want to make it clear that how others treat or react to who you authentically are is not your problem.
Although shame is a powerful feeling we are able to meet that big feeling with an equal amount of trust and love in ourselves. Shame wants us to hide who we are, what we like, or even who we like. Societal “norms” come from a place of individual shame within ourselves, our peers, our friends, our neighbors, and even our enemies. What if we collectively decided to just be ourselves? What if we gave ourselves permission to express ourselves fully and completely with no reservations? All of this is to say, don’t tuck your personality and self expression in that dark little hole inside of you. It deserves to be heard, to be seen, to be felt, and to be celebrated.
I always say, it is not your job to make decisions for other people about how they feel about you. That’s their job and their job alone. If we show up as ourselves, with strong boundaries, morals, and intentions I believe we can connect to that inner peace and knowing that we are enough just as we are.
If you’d like to share about your experience with shame feel free to comment or connect with GTG via email or Instagram!
XO
Ken
P.S. I wrote this really cool Instagram post about how I used to hide my body to hide my power that ties into this message. Check it out here.