The Tragic Story of My Dessert-Free Cruise

I posted a reel on Saturday about how 16-year-old Mallory decided to give up sweets on a 5 day cruise from Italy to Greece. The apex of the story comes when we got off the cruise ship to explore a little town in Italy and my step sister bought a cinnamon roll from a market nearby and offered me a bite. I decidedly, with the discipline of a very tormented person, said that I was not eating sweets and did not want a bite. I’m sure I said it in a very kind way. I very much regret that moment. First of all, I remember it looking VERY delicious. Secondly, I was in Italy refusing a baked good?! Who does that? I’ve honestly thought of that moment multiple times since, imaginarily punching myself for not taking a bite of this probably-delectable roll. 

A friend messaged me after I posted the reel asking why I had decided at 16 to not eat sweets for this cruise. The answer is I don’t remember. I know I had just started dating someone, but I don’t think I would have felt particular pressure to “lose weight” for him. I wasn’t playing basketball anymore where I felt like I had to look a certain way. I loved sweets and baked goods, so I’m not sure what prompted this. Diet culture is weird, friends. 

Following my reel, my step sister messaged me a photo from one of the cruise dinners where the waiter brought me a plate with “nothing” on it in chocolate syrup because I always requested nothing for dessert. I’m not totally sure why I’m smiling. It probably was because the “self-control” of going this whole cruise without eating sweets felt morally superior and validating. In retrospect, I just feel really bad for young Mal. Little did she know that her moral superiority complex around refusing desserts was actually getting in the way of her enjoying life’s (and arguably the world’s) joys! 

If I could go back and talk to myself, I would tell myself to eat the freaking cinnamon roll. Eat the cruise desserts. Life is too short.